E.A. Hanks on father Tom Hanks’ reaction to new memoir on her turbulent childhood with her mother

Journalist E.A. Hanks shared that her father, actor Tom Hanks, and brother, Colin Hanks, were among the first to read her deeply personal new memoir, “The Ten: A Memoir of Family and the Open Road,” which details her childhood with her late mother.

“The first thing my dad said is, ‘This is an accurate portrayal of what it was to love and fear this woman.’ Once I knew that I had gotten her right, everything else flowed,” she said during an appearance on “CBS Mornings” on Wednesday.

The book details Hanks’ six-month journey along Interstate 10 from California to Florida, during which she sought to better understand Susan Dillingham — who died in 2002 — and reflect on her own difficult childhood.

“I’m just another girl trying to make sense of her dead, crazy mother,” Hanks said.

Hanks revealed that while growing up, she had language to understand addiction — her mother hosted 12-step programs in their home — but lacked vocabulary for mental illness.

“My mom — I had language for addiction because we used to host 12-step programs in our house, and my mom would have sponsees stay with us. I had a language even from 8 years old about addiction, but there was no language for mental health and what was sort of wrong in the house,” Hanks explained. “A lot of the book is me trying to create that language and share it.”

The author described her mother’s “fluid” relationship with reality, saying in the book that “mom’s relationship with reality was fluid. Truth was fed through the meat grinder of mental illness.” 

She detailed both emotional and physical abuse in her childhood home. Hanks explained that in California during the late 1980s, family law typically required evidence of physical abuse before a child could be removed from a situation.

“Family law in California in the late ’80s wasn’t enough room for it. At that time, you kind of had to have the receipts of physical abuse to get pulled out of a situation. And once we crossed that rubicon is when I moved to Los Angeles,” she said.

What Hanks learned about her mother

Despite the difficult relationship, Hanks said she remained protective of her mother. In writing the memoir, she incorporated her mother’s poetry as a way to reconnect with her.

“At the time, my mom kind of had this stance like a thoroughbred who had been put out to pasture too soon, and she didn’t get her chance as an artist because of my dad’s, as I describe it, catastrophic fame,” Hanks said. “I think including her poetry in the book is a way of treating her seriously as an artist and getting back into conversation with her. And anybody who’s buried a parent knows that a two-way conversation suddenly becomes a one-way conversation.”

When asked about the truth she now understands, Hanks reflected, “The truth is, my mother had good days and bad days. And I was lucky to experience the good days, and I was shaped by the bad days. All of the care and protection I had for the child that I was doesn’t diminish what happened between us. But it means that as I get older, there’s more wiggle room and acceptance for her flaws and mine.”

The memoir also explores themes of place and identity. As a journalist accustomed to interviewing others, Hanks discovered, “When you’re talking to stone-cold strangers, you can’t start with, ‘Tell me about your mom,’ but you can start with, ‘Tell me where you’re from.’ If someone wants to talk about their hometown, it’s an elevator to their deepest self.”

She added, “Identity and where you’re from, that’s the whole story. I learned that I’m the product of where I’m from.”

“The Ten: A Memoir of Family and the Open Road” is available now.